I’m No Centenarian Catfisher! Facebook, Clear My Name!

It takes a lot for an old Jewish man to get a break in the world of professional athletics.  (Why is Lisa laughing at me as I dictate this to her to type?)  Doesn’t everyone know I follow the Sherpa belief of intent?  My intentions, and those of SOUL SHERPA, are transparent and exactly as presented.  I guess too many Washington Redskins players getting caught catfishing on the internet are starting to make a lot of people paranoid.  It’s unfortunate for people like me.   Like you’d catch me, at 100, catfishing.  (Lisa has explained its meaning to me.  To my Redskins heroes, I’m available to talk with you about real and sustaining relationships with authentic women anytime.  I was married for 70 years and loved it.)

Facebook doesn’t know I’m 100.  As far as I’m concerned, they’ve erred   After I blogged to RG3, inviting him to share a private Super Bowl viewing party with me and share rehab pointers, my readers’ responses went through the roof!  Well, I’m sorry to say it’s not looking good.  I think I’ll be borrowing Clint Eastwood’s empty chair and talking to RG3 in my bedroom on Super Bowl Sunday.  It was a fantasy that I half-believed in (except for the part about wanting someone to have his back so he regains his health and stays that way, which is 100% true.)

Back to Facebook.  So many readers loving my RG3 story made me I want to “like” a few other athletes I honestly follow.  My longtime allegiance to USC has shifted to Stanford (too much pressure where I live; plus, I will admit, their athletes are pretty sharp upstairs and play well with properly inflated footballs.)  With my wet macular degeneration, Lisa is my scribe. Instead of monitoring two Facebook accounts, it made sense to me that Lisa have only have one (hers) to track.  I asked her to “friend” just a few rising athletes I could follow.

It seems at least one of these athletes got the wrong idea, and reported me (through Lisa’s account) to Facebook as some sort of pest.  That’s not a nice thing to do to someone at 100 1/2 who is trying to live a little.  It’s not as though I’m interested in a lot of you guys.  Only a handful.  But I guess you’re a little timid about “friending” me through Lisa, even though she and Bob have been together for 25 years and she’s the brainiac type (not to mention old enough to be your mother.)  She covers the “athlete” part herself, hiking Mount Whitney and doing yoga that would make my neck snap like a chicken.  She is the athlete of our house and feels one is plenty.

So to my almost-Facebook friends (and admired athletes) I’m left only with the ability to follow you in the news.  I wish all of you well, training at the combine, playing in The Senior Bowl in Mobile, Alabama, on Saturday, and waiting for the draft in April.  Remember to stay healthy and keep your NFL fame and fortune in perspective.  There’s a lot to be said for living to 100 1/2 in one piece, and your loved ones and finances intact.  And to RG3, if you’d still like to RSVP to me, my offer’s still good.

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