I’m a big sports fan, Lamar. Anyone who reads my blog knows it. Football, basketball, baseball. That’s just the beginning. Add golf, bowling, horseshoes. You get the idea. I used to follow you in the sports page. Now I hear you’re in the gossip section. I don’t like it one bit. I want you to get back where you belong. Hopefully the two cents I throw out will be worth something.
You must be hurting pretty bad. Just the little I’ve read about you off the court, the losses you’ve been through in your young life would be tough for anyone to take. Keep multiplying losses and you end up with multiplied pain. Pain that hurts so bad you’ll do anything not to feel it. Even if “anything” means you will abuse your body and soul to feel numb. Everyone in horrible emotional pain will go to great lengths to avoid it. I’m afraid this is what’s happened to you. It makes me sad.
Living in the spotlight can’t be everything it’s cracked up to be. No privacy, no peace. I don’t think it’s normal or healthy to want to be in the spotlight all of the time. Have you thought about why you want this? Has it been your decision?
Regardless of your answer, you do have the power to make a choice now. Take as much private time as you need to work with quality, confidential health professionals who can help you get back on track. Or refuse to ask for help, stay stuck in your pain, and in the addictions you’re caught up in to stop feeling all that misery swimming inside of you. That spiral will take its toll on you, believe me. I’ve seen it plenty during my 101 years on this Earth.
Lamar, your pain is real. And it’s understandable. But you need to deal with it. Anyone not interested in helping you should not be anyone who matters in your life. Anyone with your back will guide you to the right people — and promptly get out of your way — so you begin to do the work necessary to heal from your pain. That’s the only way to get to the root causes of your addictions. I wouldn’t advise making any major decisions until you get yourself straightened out. Your head is not screwed on straight, friend. Exercising bad judgment now will only makes things worse.
SOUL SHERPA® started because Lisa lost her father from lung cancer in 2002. She thought the pain of that loss would kill her. She was down for what seemed like an eternity. But she was open to the right kind of healthcare that helped her physically and emotionally. She recovered and became stronger. Now she’s a Sherpa and there isn’t any mountain she can’t climb.
That scenario is possible for you, Lamar. Time to wave the white flag. There’s no shame in that. You’re human and you’ve been through a lot. The only shame would be if you don’t get the right kind of help you need and end up blowing the rest of your life. Driving on the 101 at 4 a.m. in a stupor is telling you something. You deserve better. Ask for what you need and take your time getting well. There’s a good life ahead of you, but only if you’re willing to be honest and open.
Good luck, Lamar. I hope you make it.
